Fuck dips. Fuck hummus and Tzatziki. Most of all fuck baba ganoush. And fuck everything you put into dips. Fuck sliced up carrots and celery. And goddamned crackers and bread. Just fuck everything associated with dips. Picnics and the cold section at supermarkets.

We don’t like dips. We’re allergic to them. Like the type of allergic that makes your face expand like a blowfish. Present us with a dip and we’ll slap it out of your hand and say something pithy like “fuck your fucking dip”.

Yeah that’s right, fuck dips.